Q. I’m pretty successful on paper – I’ve got a steady growing income, a decent reputation, I always show up for the team. But privately, I’m exhausted. I don’t know how to say “I’m not okay” without feeling like I’ve failed. Is it just me or are other men dealing with this too?

Mate, it’s definitely not just you. I hear this behind closed doors more than you’d believe – from high performers, business owners, brokers, execs. On the outside?

Capable, composed, kicking goals. But privately? Running on empty and bottomed out.

Somewhere along the line, men were taught that struggle is a sign of weakness.

That being tired, overwhelmed, or emotionally stretched means you’re not cut out for the role. But here’s the truth: pressure doesn’t discriminate. You can be successful and struggling. Those things can coexist.

The problem isn’t you – it’s the outdated belief that mental strain is something to hide. That if you speak up, you’ll lose credibility. But the irony? The longer you suppress it, the more it leaks out… through frustration, detachment, poor sleep, and disconnection from the people you care about.

The men I work with don’t want sympathy. They want strategy. They want tools, perspective, and someone who can help them cut through the noise without judgement. They don’t want to “vent”; they want a plan.

Here’s what I know: the ability to say “I’m not okay” is a skill, not a flaw. And it’s one of the strongest moves you can make – not just for your mental health but for your leadership, your relationships, and your future.

So no, you haven’t failed. You’re not broken and you’re definitely not alone. You’ve simply recognised that white-knuckling your way through isn’t working anymore. That’s not weakness. It’s wisdom. And from here, things can change. Your life, on your terms.

If you have a question that you’d like answered by psychotherapist Bronwyn Penhaligon in the Your Health in Mind section of The Adviser, you can email your question in confidence to [email protected].

Or if you feel you need more support, you can visit penhaligons.com.au to schedule a one-on-one appointment.