Q. As a female broker, I sometimes feel like I’m judged differently – where being confident can be seen as ‘too much’ and mistakes feel more noticeable. How do I stay confident when it feels like I’m being held to a different standard?
What you’re describing is a very real psychological experience, regardless of whether the judgement is explicit or simply perceived. When you feel watched more closely, attention naturally shifts inward – you start monitoring how you sound, how you’re coming across, whether you’re being ‘too much’. That constant self-assessment is mentally exhausting, and, more importantly, it interferes with performance.
It’s also fair to acknowledge confidence, communication style, and even mistakes can be judged through a different lens depending on gender. Whether we like it or not, these dynamics exist. Being aware of them is simply more useful than ignoring them or second-guessing yourself.
Confidence is a slippery fish at the best of times, and it becomes even more wriggly when tied to imagined approval. I’d encourage a shift to evidence-based confidence – anchoring your self-trust in objective factors you can control: your preparation, client outcomes, your skills, and results. High performers protect their confidence by measuring themselves against standards and data, not shifting social interpretations or how they feel.
Visibility, meanwhile, is not self-promotion for its own sake, and in this industry, it is a commercial necessity. Opportunities, clients, and referral partners can’t respond to capability they can’t see. Withdrawing or softening your presence to avoid possible criticism often carries a greater career cost than the criticism itself.
The real goal isn’t to eliminate self-doubt (no one does), but to prevent it from dictating behaviour. Your confidence will be strengthened through repeated, deliberate action – showing up, speaking clearly, making decisions – even while doubt is present.
If you have a question that you’d like answered by psychotherapist Bronwyn Penhaligon in the Your Health in Mind section of The Adviser, you can email your question in confidence to [email protected].
Or if you feel you need more support, you can visit penhaligons.com.au to schedule a one-on-one appointment.
